I don't have anything to say that is meaningful, so I thought I'd offer my unsolicited opinion on the new Star Trek movie. Hey, people post their unsolicited opinions on things on the web all the time!! I just thought I'd throw my hat into the ring. Plus maybe if you Google "Star Trek", my blog will crack the top million-ahhh, to dream.
First, a little background. I have had a serious sci-fi jones since I was four years old and saw Star Wars for the first time. My imagination was fully fired up, and I developed a voracious appetite for spaceships and ray guns and all the trappings. Trek was always on the edge of my radar as a young lad. My tastes ran towards the more action-oriented stuff and I think that Trek was a little over my head at the time.
Flash forward to sixth grade, and my uncle Frankie gifted me with with The Star Trek Technical Manual-Second Edition. This was frickin' awesome! The book was filled with schematics of phasers and Warp Chambers, hell, there was even a menu of what the replicator served. At twelve, I became a fully devoted Trekkie-including the social ostracising. I didn't care, however, because no one was cooler than the crew of the Enterprise.
By the next year, The Next Generation premiered and my Trekkie-Dom was in full force. Over the next ten or so years, I bought the novels, the tapes, the action figures, the trading card, ET AL. I even attended a convention!! Although I am proud to say, not in costume. This was not for lack of trying, I think a few of my readers can attest to that! One could continue with the passion I showed for this, but I think you get the point, no?
Two things, though, cooled my passion for things Trek. First was the return of an old flame-Star Wars! 1999 was the year of The Phantom Menace and "Trek who?". It was like having an old girlfriend come back into your life and say "I'm yours.", and I embraced this Phantom Menace as an old lover, and poor old Trek was cast aside. Once the afterglow of Wars had dimmed, I tentatively moved back towards the Enterprise and it's stalwart crew. I was excited about a new technology , DVD, and was pleased to hear that Trek would be released on this format and I would be able to watch it any time I wished.
Until I saw the price.
I have spent a lot of money on a lot of stupid stuff, but I thought 100 dollars was just too much to pay for a season of Star Trek. Now I know there are many factors which determine the price of a DVD, but at the time these were released, the original series was over thirty years old, and Next Generation was over ten. Not to mention that these shows had been rerun endlessly. I kind of got disgusted by this and the fact that the were a legion of Trekkies willing to pay ANY price. To me this just represented Paramount's callow hucksterism, and the fact that they would release any old crap with the Trek brand that people would trample over one another to buy. In fairness I reached the same conclusion with Star Wars and George Lucas, but that is a tale for another blog.
Okay, there is a point to all this and I am gonna get to it forthwith, it's my blog and I'll ramble if I wanna. So, When I heard that J.J. Abrams of Alias fame was going to take a stab at resurrecting the franchise, I was intrigued. I have never watched Alias or knowingly watched anything that Mr. Abrams was involved in, but the fan boy community seems to think he is the sh*t so, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. You see, they are going to make a movie featuring the original crew. This is a bold move to say the least, because of all the versions of Trek and all of the different crews and actors, if I say "Star Trek" you say "Captain Kirk" or "Mr. Spock". There is no getting around the fact that the original series and the original crew/cast have inspired the most love and passion for the franchise. If you mess this up, it's game over-Trek will die and never return, and for a franchise on life support you have to get it right the first time.
My first thought was that this project will live or die on the casting. Despite Paramount never having called for my opinion, I proffered it anyhow. The best choice would have been to cast one or two "Big Name" actors to anchor a cast of unknowns. Filling the shoes of such beloved characters and the equally beloved actors who portrayed them is no small task. I didn't have a wish list t0 speak of, but one rumor that intrigued me was Matt Damon as Kirk. I think this would have been the way to go. I like Matt and I think he would have done a smashing job as Kirk! However, this led to some speculation (serious or not) that Ben Affleck wold portray Spock-which led to this imagined exchange...
Spock: "Captain. Scanners indicate that Klingons are wicked retahded."
Kirk: "Fire the phasa's. Dose are wicked pissah!"
(Klingon ship explodes)
Kirk: "How do ya like 'dem apples?!"
The Rumors of Damon as Kirk were quickly quashed, as well as Affleck's dreams of playing an intelligent character. Soon enough, the real cast was being announced and I am gonna break it down for ya. I will do my best to go in chronological order but I might have got it wrong, so bear with me. Also, i'd like to say that the casting has formed the crux of my opinion on this project.
Zachary Quinto as Spock- As seen in Heroes as the main heavy Sylar. I haven't seen any of his work, but he seems to look the part and is a lesser-known actor, adhering to my "using unknowns" opinion.
Anton Yelchin as Chekov- I saw his turn as the kidnap victim in Alpha Dog and he he held his own pretty well. His youth, Russian heritage and relative obscurity point to him being an ideal choice.
Zoe Saldana as Uhura- Apparently she was in the first Pirates of the Caribbean, I don't remember her...however she's a very attractive young lady and I think that will go a long way in her favor.
John Cho as Sulu- Harold from Harold and Kumar and the guy who kept saying MILF in three American Pie Movies. My first indication that the movie is diving headfirst int the toilet. The voice is wrong, the attitude is wrong-he isn't even Japanese!!! This guy will suck as Sulu.
Eric Bana as Nero(Villain)- I love Eric Bana. There is one scene in Munich where he is on the phone with his daughter and you see his heart break. It was such a moving scene and based on that alone, I am behind this guy 100%. This bit of casting depends on how well the character is written, because this is a new character and there is no reference to go back to. I think he wouuld have made a kickass Kirk, and restored a little of my faith after casting "Harold".
Simon Pegg as Scotty- Loved him in Shaun of the Dead, loved him in Hot Fuzz-I think I am going to HATE him as Scotty. I know that this is where I disagree with, oh, the rest of the world!! Scotty is not strictly a comedic character. If your thought is to play him for laughs, then you don't know the character. They dropped the ball on this one.
Chris Pine as Kirk- I saw him as a psycho, redneck bounty hunter in Smokin' Aces, and that's not really an adequate frame of reference. I will reserve judgement on this guy but he's not only got really big boots to fill, but a really big shirt to get ripped off as well.
Karl Urban as McCoy- Eomer in Lord of the Rings, Russian Assassin in the Bourne Supremacy, Space Marine in Doom. What's a kickass action guy doing in the relatively talky Bones role? Sigh, another missed Kirk opportunity I think.
So other than that, I haven't read the script, and shooting is not scheduled to start 'til next month, so there aren't any costume pics or set reports yet. Based solely on the cast, I think this movie has a high probability of sucking really hard. Sorry but Pegg and Cho were damning to this fledgling reboot of the once storied franchise. I can only think of what could have been. However, I really want to be proven wrong. I want this new movie to kick all sorts off ass and launch a new era of adventure for the U.S.S Enterprise. I just don't think it's likely at this point, but we'll see on December 25Th 2008. Will I see you in line?
